Something is amiss, but I also accept that finding out what that is may be nearly impossible and that my only option is to buckle down and do what it takes, but that all seems so overwhelming. So, I am currently taking a break from trying to solve the weight loss problem and am just concentrating on one thing at a time. See, I have a tendency to look too far into the future or see the picture as too big. Then I get overwhelmed and end up saying “fuck it” and giving up on the whole thing.
So, for now I am concentrating on the triathlon that I am running on September 25th. One step at a time. I started with the swimming by taking swim lessons two nights a week. When I was pretty sure that I could swim the half mile I needed to and had built some swimming confidence I added the running piece and last night I ran a full 5k without stopping. I’m not setting any records but I didn’t stop or feel that I needed to.
Now, onto the bike. This weekend I will be purchasing my first bike and adding that into the mix. One small step at a time.
I am trying to take this approach with more things in my life as this state of ineffectiveness infects almost everything I do.
Set small attainable goals and accomplish the task.
Today I am writing this blog post. I am not transferring this into expectations that I will write a post every day or any time in the future. Right now I am writing this and that is good enough for now.
Never in my life did I think that I would become so paralyzed in my own skin, but I am working on it (and working on it and working on it). I was expressing my frustration at my continuing struggles at therapy the other day. I have licked the depression and anxiety, poof… gone. I have battled old demons, healed old wounds and gained unforeseen perspective. I have finally grown up and faced the real world. So why is everything still so hard?
She had a couple of words of wisdom. First, I need to acknowledge how far I have come and accept that change is hard and doesn’t take place over night. She also explained that not being depressed is different from being happy and not being anxious is different than being calm and centered. These things take work too and small steps is the only way to get there. There is always more work to do.
So, I take small steps and am thankful each day for those that love me and allow me to love them back.
Now if only I could get Ian to stop shitting his pants. ;)
The last several days my son has been very sick and Monday we spent the good part of the day and all evening in the ER. He is getting better and is going to be just fine, but the stress has been profound. Believe me, the last thing I want is excuses for why I can’t succeed at this.
This is what I struggle with time and time again. Life gets in the way, the stress gets to me and then I eat to make myself feel better and then I feel guilty and crappy about myself so I give up.
This cycle, I only lost half a pound. I have hit my mark in that 163 pounds is this sticking point for me. I have not been below it since my son was born three years ago. I try and I try and I get to 163 and it just won’t budge. Well, here we are again after a stressful and disappointing week and I have to say I am not surprised. I am trying very hard to look past that number and not feel defeated.
But a couple of really good things have come out of this cycle and right now I am celebrating the littlest of victories. I am still here. I haven’t given up, I haven’t blown my diet. I am sticking to the plan, despite all the obstacles. I will finish what I started and push past my fears.
I also started exercising again. There are still many things that I can’t do with my thumb as it is, but I went for a run and biked as well. I also tried out some of the bodyweight exercise routines, which I totally love. There were several of the exercises that I couldn’t do as I am unable to put my full weight on that hand, but I either modified, substituted or skipped the moves I couldn’t do and kept going. Tonight I am going back to swim classes for the first time since the accident.
The biggie though has been gaining some control back over the food. The fast days have been so pinnacle in this. Yes, I get hungry but I embrace that and I have control of whether I eat or not. And that gives me more control over the rest of the days when I have to choose what I will eat, whether I will stick to the plan or give into the little gremlins in my head.
Through all the last few weeks of craziness with family in and out of the house and two major medical events, I have stuck to the plan as much as I could. There have been moments of weakness and moments of circumstance, but I didn’t let them affect my resolve. I just kept going. This may not seem like much to you, but for me it is a pretty big deal.
I have two more cycles to go and I hope that I can get it together enough to lose a little weight in the process. But even if I don’t, I have gained a lot from this and I will be completing the program again in July before my husband and I take a trip to Sonoma. So, I will have another chance to make it happen for me.
I have updated the Xtreme Fat Loss page with the latest. Not much to look at though…
Don’t let my lack of success deter you from this program. My results have nothing to do with the program. I have no doubt that it works and that you could achieve significant results.
Don’t let your fears or reservations stop you in achieving your goals. When we fall all there is to do is to get up and keep going.
This is something I have really struggled with. In The Gabriel Method Jon talks a lot about envisioning yourself as a thin happy person. I have had such a hard time with this. Not only could I not see myself thin, but I didn’t believe I could ever be thin again or even that I deserved to be. This is the exact reason I took a break from actively trying to lose weight and concentrated on getting my head straight while continuing to improve my eating habits (nutrition and portion control) as well as learning to like exercising because it makes me feel good and not to punish myself for being overweight.
Isabel gets this too and the first chapter of The Diet Solution is dedicated to this. Today she sent an email that talked directly to this part of the weight loss journey with some really good ideas for changing these patterns.
The strategy that touched me the most was that we should be talking to ourselves like we talk to our children. Isn’t that so powerful?
We fill our children with love and support, we tell them they can do anything they put their minds to, that if they work hard and show passion they can achieve anything. And when they are scared or nervous or feel insecure, we give them the best, most heartfelt pep talks. We hold them close and tell them how proud we are of them and how we know that they are capable and brave.
But when we feel those same things, we turn on ourselves. I would fill my head with doubt and fear, blame and anger. I would tell myself how lazy and stupid I was for not being able to do it. I would get angry at anyone who tried to encourage me or support me, because I didn’t really deserve it anyway. Sound familiar?
Well, I’m done with that. I deserve to accomplish anything in my life that I set my mind to. I deserve to be happy and healthy and loved and supported. I deserve these things just as much as my children do and I can see that thin, healthy, happy, fulfilled person now and I’m going after it. And you can too.
Every day I am more and more impressed with Isabel. I really encourage you to check out The Diet Solution.
This is the email she sent today in it’s entirety. I hope it is ok that I shared it this way, I just felt it would be important for you to read.
I was remembering back several years ago when I used to do one on one client coaching, I had a great call with a client. It was actually her last coaching call with me and I wanted to be sure that I left her with all the “tools” she needed to maintain and continue her incredible weight loss success.
Me: “What do you think will be the most difficult challenge for you moving forward?”
I was expecting an answer like traveling, going out to dinner, maybe even cravings, but that was not the case.
Client: “Isabel, the absolute hardest thing for me is the mental part of losing weight. I see how successful I’ve been and I clearly see the results in the mirror, but I still find myself doing a lot of negative self talk. It’s almost like I know I’m going to blow it, just like I have so many other times.”
WOW! Talk about honesty. And I know she is not the only person who is going through the same thing. I can remember years ago when I first lost all of my weight, I would get compliments from people and I would always thing to myself, “Yeah, whatever, let’s see how long this really lasts.”
But there is a reason why the FIRST chapter in the Diet Solution Program Manual is about MENTAL PREPARATION because this is an ESSENTIAL first step. It doesn’t matter how good the information is, how easy I have made it for you, or how delicious the food is. If you’re going to talk yourself out of your own success all day, then you might as well just throw in the towel now (in this case, walk away from the computer and stop reading).
So how exactly did I overcome this common hurdle? Here are some strategies I use even today in my life that keep me focused, motivated and always working towards my goal.
1. I start each and every morning with a gratitude list. This is non-negotiable! It takes me no more than 3 minutes and it changes my spirits for the entire day. How’s setting aside 3-5 minutes for a joyous rest of the day? Worth it, right? I write “I am so grateful for…” and then just write, write and write. For me that list always includes my family, my health and my work. I wouldn’t start any day without this!
2. I go to sleep each night playing my personal mind movie in my head as I go to sleep. What is a personal mind movie? Basically, it’s you imagining yourself looking, feeling and doing whatever it is you would do if you achieved your health and weight loss goals. Imagine yourself in a particular outfit, at a party getting compliments, participating in some awesome athletic event. Athletes have actually used this strategy for decades with much success. This approach helps me to fall asleep happy and is much better than lying there thinking about all the things I have to do the next day or harping on stressful events. I sleep so much better at night like this!
3. Only talk to yourself as you would a small child (This one is my favorite and given to me by my best friend Jackie). Would you tell your children all day long that they were never going to achieve their goals, that they should stop trying or that they shouldn’t even try in the first place? No, I sure hope you wouldn’t. You would encourage them, give them hope, and tell them that anything is possible with hard work. Treat yourself, in your own mind, the way you would want to speak to your children or better yet, the way you would want others to speak to your children or speak to you.
Karin, keep your eye on the prize because the prize of the body you are dreaming about is within your reach! If I can do it, so can YOU! Tell yourself how awesome you are and how this time you are changing your life and there is no looking back.
Speaking of keeping your eye on the prize, I just got the most wonderful celebration email from my friend Joel Marion. He had set his goal to help as many people around the world achieve their own weight loss goals and getting his information out to every person that was ready to take his Xtreme weight loss challenge.
He has accomplished just that and is celebrating the Xtreme Fat Loss Diet system officially becoming the #1 Bestselling e-book on the internet right now!
To celebrate this monumental event in Joel’s life, he’s decided to keep the $30 OFF offer open for a couple more days.
If you haven’t secured your discounted copy, THIS IS THE TIME TO DO IT! (before Saturday).
I couldn’t be happier or more proud of him, and if you are one of the 20,000 people that has decided to take him up on his offer, I am proud of you too!
Take a look at Joel’s celebration page here:
The Xtreme Fat Loss Diet
And join me as we give Joel a big round of applause. Bravo…(clap, clap, clap).
Keep your eye on your own prize…and you will get there!
In health and happiness,
Isabel De Los Rios
Certified Exercise Specialist
Author of www.TheDietSolutionProgram.com
PS – If you enjoyed today’s newsletter, feel free to forward this email on to any of your friends, family, or co-workers that would also enjoy the information.
Have a really great day and remember to care for yourself, you deserve it.
Jon taught me to look at more than just the food an exercise and I understand more clearly the mental sides of things. It also led me in the right direction to find the information I needed.
I also learned that I need more structure. At least when starting out, I need to be told what to do and when. I need a plan that I can look at and see what is coming next and not think too many steps ahead. I get overwhelmed by the big picture and then give up because it looks too daunting.
With that bit of knowledge I went to work on that stuff and just kept improving my diet and reading and reading about metabolism and the mind body connection. I also concentrated on working out to feel good and improve my fitness level for my triathlon this summer. I have been running (something I swore I would never be able to do again), biking and have just started swim classes. The swim classes rock and I would totally recommend taking an adult swim class for anyone who is looking to get into swimming for fitness. I have only been to two classes and my crawl and back stroke are already completely transformed.
I have also made major breakthroughs on the psychological side and am glad to say that I have finally made the mental shift. I can see the thin and fit me and can’t wait to get there. And let me just tell you, what I thought was standing in my way had nothing to do with it. I dug deep and with the help of my therapist have cleared away some serious stuff.
I found this picture of myself from when I was 21. I had just met my husband and was in the best shape of my life. I had just come off of a summer as the horseback riding director at a girl scout camp where I had hiked about 8 miles a day and spent the majority of my day on horseback or running around an arena teaching others on there horses. I lifted saddles and hay bales and swam across the lake and back twice a week. I had never been so active, or so confident. This is an image of myself that I can get behind.
That image is now taped to my head board so that I see her/me right before I go to sleep and first thing when I wake up.
I am very excited about this mental shift and what it means for me finally getting some results. With that in mind, I am starting a brand new program next week that is going to really give my body an Xtreme shake up. I think this is just what my body needs right now. I have also chosen a long-term program that I am really happy with that I will continue with once the shake up is complete.
I look forward to sharing more information about both these programs with you.
Funny, that word changes. In the forum they teach us to differentiate between changes and transformations. Change is something gradual that you must apply will power and constant attention to to make it happen. Transformation is instant, more like an immediate shift that sends you in a new direction. These are the more powerful mechanisms for making significant differences in our lives and I have seen this in several areas of my life and now finally with my health.
I first saw this in action when I quit smoking. We had heard of this book (The Easy Way to Stop Smoking) that supposedly could help you quit smoking with little effort or withdrawals. Now, I had been a smoker for over 15 years and had quit and started countless times. My problem was that I liked smoking, no I loved smoking. But, I hated being a smoker. There is a very distinct difference there that I think most smokers can relate to.
So, we had heard stories of several people who had read this book and then simply stopped smoking forever. At this point what did I have to lose, so I gave it a try. Basically the book tells it like it is, separating you from your addiction and helping you to see how it is standing in the way and certainly not serving in any way at all. But the funny thing is that it is really more about the act of reading the book than even what the book says. At the end they have this list of questions and if you can answer yes to any of them you need to start the book over. It took reading the book twice to get through the list, but then I put down the cigarettes and haven’t had another since and it wasn’t even hard, like at all. My best friend even looked at me the other night and said she can no longer even imagine me as a smoker. Amazing.
Do you need to quit? Get the Book!
The point is that it was my first introduction to the instant transformation I am talking about. It wasn’t hard to quit like it had been the many other times I had tried. It was like something shifted and I just didn’t need it any more. Quite the transformation.
Back when I was depressed and having regular debilitating panic attacks my therapist would tell me to differentiate and identify the depression and anxiety as separate from myself. “That’s the depression talking”. It was amazing how quickly I started to feel better once I started doing this. I kept telling myself that it was just anxiety and depression and that what it was saying was not true and that I could keep going even though I thought my heart would explode out of my chest and it eventually just disappeared. In the moment that I realized that I wasn’t the awful person my depression told me I was, it just dissipated and I started feeling better and soon I was better.
At The Forum I learned to separate my stories from my actual experiences and found forgiveness and peace with my past.
Do you see a pattern here?
Well now it has reached my battle with my weight. I was noticing last week that my whole outlook was starting to change. But this didn’t happen slowly over time with a lot of will power. Yes, I have been thinking a lot about it and have made some changes to my diet and have obviously been working on the emotional aspects, but I was feeling really frustrated that it didn’t seem how much I worked at it, I still wanted to the sweets and junk food and couldn’t keep myself from eating it. And I still had no desire to work out at all.
I hit my peak of frustration as I scarfed down a brownie on the way to therapy last Monday. Two bites and I was feeling nauseous, yet I still ate the whole damn thing. What is going on?
So I was talking to my therapist about it and she taught me how to differentiate this as well. There is was again. She recommended stopping when I felt these cravings and looking at them from another angle, identifying the intensity of the craving by giving it a number 1-10. Then if you decide the number is high enough and eat the craved food, then identify how much satisfaction you got from eating it by giving it a number 1-10.
During this therapy session, something just clicked and since then I have been following her advice, which has unfortunately taken the joy out of several sweat treats I was really looking forward to, and yet again transformation has happened. Not perfection or magical weight loss, but a totally different outlook that seemed like it came out of nowhere.
I have been almost jonesing for exercise and food has lost its power over me. I am even down to just one Diet Coke a day, a miracle in and of itself.
It is just a craving and separate from myself. That craving has nothing to do with my body’s need for sustenance or nutrition or even something yummy to eat — it is emotional and completely separate.
I think this is part of the message the Jon Gabriel is trying to convey to us. Just give your body what it needs and realize that you are emotionally separate from your need to eat and your body will start asking for what it needs and giving back what you want from it.
The real test will be how this plays out over the next couple of months. Please let the weight loss finally come. I create this possibility for myself and for all of you too.
She is a runner and was completing a half marathon in an old polyester dress that she loves and found really comfortable to run in. She threw it over a pair of shorts and off she went. After several people commented on her dress and asked where she got it, she thought there might be something there.
A lot of hard work later nuu-muu was born. It’s a play on the muu-muu (remember those? LOL). Get it?
Who says you can’t be athletic and girly at the same time. These dresses are made for exercising but are cute cute cute as well.
Well, when she started the business she sent me a dress. I was so excited when it arrived and then absolutely mortified when it didn’t fit. It would barely go over my head and when I did finally get it on, everthing was bulging and horribly horribly wrong.
This had nothing to do with the dress, which is actually very flattering and made for real bodies, even coming in sizes up to XXL. It had everything to do with my denial and the size I should have asked for, but was too embarrassed to.
So, the story goes, it was laundry day and 106 degrees out and I needed something to throw on so I could wash my very limited supply of clothing appropriate for such a heat wave. I look up and there it is, hanging in my closet, just where it has been since the day it arrived. What the hey? and I put it on…
What? It goes over my head. Hmm, a little tight across the boobs, but wait… Where is the bulging? the uncomfortable tightness that made me want to run and hide under the bed until winter? Almost gone. Not perfect, but with a pair of leggings, this pretty little thing just might make an appearance on my next hike and is definitely making the trip to Hawaii.
Can I just say, as a side note, that I hate having big boobs. Having lived with them since I was 10 years old, I can confidently say that if I could have one plastic surgery it would be to remove them. Nothing cute is cut for big boobs. Why anyone above completely flat chested would want to make them any bigger, I simply can not understand. OK, rant complete.
How did this happen? Have you read The Gabriel Method?