visualizations

I picked up my Gabriel Method book this morning to reread some of the nutritional stuff as I have been concentrating on my mental health and identifying and eradicating my emotional blockage.   I was looking through the monthly plans and nutritional information and realized that I am already doing everything in month 3, just naturally without thinking about it.   How cool is that?

Unfortunately, I am still giving into the still too frequent junk food cravings and not being as active as I should.  I find that when I am busy and overwhelmed, instead of turning to exercise as a stress release and break from it all, I look at it like the worst possible thing ever.  Rather silly, really.    But, I am not beating myself up over it.  This just gives me tangible goals for this next month.

This month I will begin using the craving killing visualization.  Couple of interesting things about this…

I have been searching through the book for weeks looking for the section on the craving killing visualization and could not find it for the life of me.  I swear I flipped through every page.  Then this morning I opened the book directly to that page.  There is was, right in front of me.  I love that kind of thing.  I guess I am ready to take this step now.

I also think that it is interesting that this is the same visualization that Paul McKenna uses in his “I Can Make You Thin” book for killing cravings.    Must work pretty well.  Really, there is quite a bit of overlap between the two systems and I think they are very complimentary to each other.

Another thing to concentrate on this month are adding in activity several times a week.  I have many opportunities for this, it isn’t a matter or not having enough time, I just need to do it.  I will start adding being physically active to my evening visualizations and using the idea of making the better choice.  When the choice arises simply say yes to a stress relieving, personal time, break from the family, feeling great activity and no to sitting around wishing I was doing something else.

And lastely, this month I need to start adding a morning smart session.  I think this will be really calming and helpful for me, starting my day with a more positive and centered attitude and a focus on what I want to accomplish during the day.

If things keep going the way they are with my business, I am definitely going to need this increased focus and productivity, never mind someone to help clean my house and possibly even watch my kids a couple mornings a week.   All I have to say is be careful what you manifest for yourself, you just quite possibly might get it.  A little overwhelming, yet really really exciting.

Karli gets up 15 to 20 minutes earlier than me with the kids so this gives me plenty of time to lay in bed and wake up a little and then do 10 minutes of SMART mode visualizations.  I know,  isn’t he great?

On the emotional front, I have taken a big step that I am really excited about.  I have signed up for the Landmark Forum seminar.  This is a three and a half day very intensive look at yourself.   A good friend of ours just did it and he said that it was really life changing for him.  Karli also signed up to take it the month after I do.

I really think this is one of those right things at the right moments for us.   We have been through so much over the last year.  We as individuals and our relationship could really use a serious retuning.   I have been talking for months about needing to get away for a few days and just be with myself, but haven’t gotten around to it.  This is the perfect compromise, three and half full days (a total of 40 hours) with myself, if not by myself.  And I get to sleep in my own bed and kiss my kids each morning.

Can you tell I am excited about this?

Overall, a good month despite the fact that I still don’t think I have lost more than a few pounds (no weighing until October).  No worries,  all in the right time.

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I’m not hungry.  I use to always have some level of hunger, that “I could eat” feeling, pretty much all the time.  Now I don’t even think about food until I’m actually hungry and sometimes even then I have to force myself to eat something because real hunger isn’t something that I am used to, it feels different – not so urgent.

Sometimes I will even find myself in the fridge looking for something to eat just because it is habit and then realize that nothing sounds good because I’m not hungry.  And now, instead of shoving something in my mouth just to feel better, I close the door and walk away.  Usually it is just boredom or thirst, so I have a glass of water and engage in something.

The one exception is the afternoon, when I inevitably still get my daily sweet craving.  I have been better about the fruit and nut snack in the afternoon, but I still find I am getting urges to stop for a chocolate milkshake or an apple fritter.  Most days I don’t, but I still do sometimes.

The other day I was reading some older posts on the Gabriel Method Forum that I frequent and a woman was talking about how she had switched to flax oil for her omega and her cravings and hunger had returned, so she switched back to fish oil and it all went away again.  I haven’t used flax oil (I prefer to grind them fresh), but I did notice that when I forget to take my omega pills, everything goes a little wonky.

Taking omega fish oil pills really curbs my cravings and keeps me on track.  When I remember to take my supplements that afternoon craving is usually mild and the fruit does the trick, but If I forget to take them with lunch then watch out.  I guess concentrating on remembering to take my supplements needs to be a higher priority.

Why is it so hard for me to form a habit and be consistent about it?  Not beating myself up, just wondering.  It can be pretty damn frustrating sometimes.  This is one of the major things I concentrate on during my visualizations.   It will come.

Over this last week I have been noticing some subtle, yet important, changes in the way I feel. Because the emotional and self perception issues are so huge for me, I have vowed not to weigh myself or even measure myself until October. I am letting go of numbered results and concentrating on how I feel and healing myself.

Over the Memorial Day Weekend I had a big breakthrough on becoming comfortable with my body as it is.  I even stated out loud that I would be fine to stay this way forever as long as I didn’t gain any more,  a very important step according to Jon.  I have listened to the CD before going to sleep every night except one over the last two weeks and have changed the way I do the visualizations.

When I visualize the following days, I concentrate mostly on being happy.  I say “Tomorrow I am going to be happy”.  I say this several times and then I see myself doing any really important things I have to get done the next day as well as the habit I am working on right now.  Right now that is remembering to take my supplements.  I also try to fit in the love, appreciation and forgiveness visualizations that Jon describes whenever I can or is appropriate.  As I result I have been feeling a lightness around me, happier, more patient, more feelings.  I even feel more productive in a different way than usual and I find it hard to explain.

I got the idea to change the focus of my visualizations from a book I am reading right now on the 2012 prophesies (The Mystery Of 2012).   The book is a compilation of essays and book excerpts by many of the people who are studying these prophesies.   All angles are covered, everything from physics, astronomy and archaeology to spiritual and astrological perspectives.  

Although some of the articles are quite dense and others are a little far fetched, it has been really interesting to explore this time we live in as a time of significant change.  One of the essays that is about spirituality talks about being happy versus being good and how being happy and radiating unconditional love into the world (things Jon also encourages) can transform us not only as individuals but also as a global society.    Here are several quotes from the essay “Wild Love Sets Us Free” by Gill Edwards that helped me change my perspective a little and concentrate my energy more on joy and love and less on being good or bad.   I am hoping I will get a chance to read more from her.

Most of us have internalized a cold, critical, repressive inner voice…that tells us how to behave, constantly criticizes us, keeps our noses to the grindstone, and squashes or denies our true feelings…  To the extent that we give our power to this inner judge, we are tamed and locked away.  We feel trapped and disempowered…The inevitable result is anxiety, depression, physical illness, dysfunctional relationships, or a pervasive joylessness that we cannot explain. — The Mystery of 2012 p. 245

This just struck me like a brick to the head.

Whenever we split the world into good and bad, conflict and neurosis are inevitable.  Our energy becomes split or divided.  Whenever we pride ourselves on saying “no” to a cream cake, working through our lunch break, or pleasing our partner at the expense of our own feelings, we are bowing to the old cosmology.  Trying to be good stems from a dualistic way of thinking.  It is based upon judgement, or conditional love.  It fuels self-righteousness, which means someone is “in the right” and someone else is “in the wrong”–some part of self is right (the judge within) and another part is bad and wrong (our feelings, thoughts and desires).  This inner conflict will be mirrored in conflict with others.  Splitting ourselves internally leads to projecting our shadow onto others…This dynamic creates a huge proportion of the misery in the world and blocks our natural ability to love with an open heart and speak honestly without blame or defensiveness. — The Mystery of 2012 p. 248-9

She goes onto discuss how this can effect us as a whole society and even globally. Our outlook and attitude effects the world around us. Why not give love and positive creative energy to the universe rather than negative unproductive energy. Maybe if I learn to love unconditionally and be truly happy I will also be able to improve the communication in my marriage and be more patient with my kids, have more tolerance with others and less judgement bringing positivity not only to myself but to everyone I interact with.

When we aim to be happy…we give off vibrations of self-love, self-worth, and appreciation, and our relationships mirror this by becoming deeper, happier and more authentic. In other words, much of what we have been taught about “what love means”–self-sacrifice, putting others first, being loyal to others at the expense of our own feelingz or authenticity, or feeling entitlex to have others behave as we wish them to–actually leads us away from loving relationships and into the twilight prison of codependency. It leads us toward tame love, which constantly slips into toxic cycles of control and sacrifice, blame and guilt. Tame love splinters our awareness and strangles our potential. It holds us hostage… — The Mystery of 2012 p. 250-1

I started to think that creating a life that not only makes me happy, but also makes my family and friends happy and leads to living an authentic and giving life, may lie in my happiness, that I have the ability to create change and improvements by loving myself and radiating love outward.

Instead of seeing life as a harsh training school for wayward souls, or a karmic wheel from which we might eventually escape (if we are good or lucky enough), or merely a statistical accident with no inherent meaning or purpose, we instead see life as a wondrous gift. We are not here to be good or perfect. We are not here to prove ourselves worthy. We are not here to serve others (at our own expense) or to save the world. We do not have to earn or deserve love. We do not have to “behave well” or conform to external rules and expectations. In a loving universe, we can relax. We are safe. We are worthy. We are loved without condition. We are cosmic voyagers on a magnificent adventure in physical reality and…we can have, do, or be anything we wish. No limits. No strings attached… The key to doing so is unconditional love–for self, others, and the world. — The Mystery of 2012 p. 256-7

It sounds a little idealistic, even to me, but that is a world I would like to live in. A peaceful, loving, accepting world where we live together with respect and love for one another.

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