obstacles

Well I am having a hard time figuring out if I chose the best or worst time to take this on.  Right now, life is simply lobbing me one stressful event after another.  The timing has definitely not been ideal for extreme weight loss, but it has been primed for personal growth and that sometimes is even more important.

The last several days my son has been very sick and Monday we spent the good part of the day and all evening in the ER.  He is getting better and is going to be just fine, but the stress has been profound.  Believe me, the last thing I want is excuses for why I can’t succeed at this.

This is what I struggle with time and time again.  Life gets in the way, the stress gets to me and then I eat to make myself feel better and then I feel guilty and crappy about myself so I give up.

This cycle, I only lost half a pound.  I have hit my mark in that 163 pounds is this sticking point for me.  I have not been below it since my son was born three years ago.  I try and I try and I get to 163 and it just won’t budge.  Well, here we are again after a stressful and disappointing week and I have to say I am not surprised.  I am trying very hard to look past that number and not feel defeated.

But a couple of really good things have come out of this cycle and right now I am celebrating the littlest of victories.  I am still here.  I haven’t given up, I haven’t blown my diet.   I am sticking to the plan, despite all the obstacles.  I will finish what I started and push past my fears.

I also started exercising again.  There are still many things that I can’t do with my thumb as it is, but I went for a run and biked as well.  I also tried out some of the bodyweight exercise routines, which I totally love.  There were several of the exercises that I couldn’t do as I am unable to put my full weight on that hand, but I either modified, substituted or skipped the moves I couldn’t do and kept going.  Tonight I am going back to swim classes for the first time since the accident.

The biggie though has been gaining some control back over the food.  The fast days have been so pinnacle in this.  Yes, I get hungry but I embrace that and I have control of whether I eat or not.  And that gives me more control over the rest of the days when I have to choose what I will eat, whether I will stick to the plan or give into the little gremlins in my head.

Through all the last few weeks of craziness with family in and out of the house and two major medical events, I have stuck to the plan as much as I could.  There have been moments of weakness and moments of circumstance, but I didn’t let them affect my resolve.  I just kept going.  This may not seem like much to you, but for me it is a pretty big deal.

I have two more cycles to go and I hope that I can get it together enough to lose a little weight in the process.  But even if I don’t, I have gained a lot from this and I will be completing the program again in July before my husband and I take a trip to Sonoma.  So, I will have another chance to make it happen for me.

I have updated the Xtreme Fat Loss page with the latest.  Not much to look at though…

Don’t let my lack of success deter you from this program.  My results have nothing to do with the program.  I have no doubt that it works and that you could achieve significant results.

Learn More at the Xtreme Fat Loss Diet Website

Don’t let your fears or reservations stop you in achieving your goals.  When we fall all there is to do is to get up and keep going.

This week we are celebrating being healthy and small victories. This thing with my thumb could have been so much worse and although it has kept me from being as hard core as my heart would like right now, I am thankful.

I will take my one pound and rejoice it. I am also looking forward to rocking it this cycle. I have three to go. That is plenty of time to do some serious damage.

Wow, I sound cheezy.

Anyway, new stats and even a new photo (eek!) have been posted on the Xtreme Fat Loss Page.

Despite my obstacles I am dedicated and feeling very positive about this program.

Joel Marion’s Xtreme Fat Loss Diet

Let’s get real here.  I feel weak.  I doubt my ability to do this and I am self sabotaging like you would not believe.  Yet one more thing that terrifies me.  I am so tired of being afraid.  I don’t even know what I am so damn scared of.  I just walk around wallowing in my own fear.

If you have been reading this blog for awhile then you know that I am recovering from postpartum depression and have been seeing a therapist for the last six months.  Just yesterday she was telling me how fearless I am in my therapy, how strong I am and how dedicated I am to getting better. It is my disgust with this fear and doubt that drives me to do more and dig deeper in therapy, but it is moments like this that also show me that I have so far to go.  Why is it that I can be so fearless and committed to that, but so weak and afraid when it comes to committing to my own health.

I need to remind myself how far I have come.  I am no longer depressed or having panic attacks.  I have down days, but nothing like it used to be.  That is a long way to come from where I was, which was in a very dark hole, alone and broken.  I took no medication to accomplish this, but faced it head on and worked through it.  This is a huge accomplishment and I am proud of it.

But with that said, there are many more issues to tackle, not the least of which is my inability to fully commit.  This is the issue affecting this particular process for me.   When I choose something, I feel very committed to it and it starts off that way, but as obstacles pop up and it gets a little tougher my resolve dwindles and I slowly lose my willingness to do what it takes. 

One of the main tenants of The Gabriel Method is not to bring cheating into it.  Don’t think of it as taking away, but as adding.  This is all fine and dandy, but when I break down and scarf a jumbo jack in the car on the way home from a particularly tough therapy session or find myself six deep in mini peanut butter cups after a phone call with my mother, I feel like I have failed, like I cheated and then it all goes down hill from there.  Let the closet binge eating begin.

This is hard for me to say, but last night I was watching the biggest loser and they were talking about the habits that got them to the point where they were when they started the show and I can see those habits in myself.  I am not there yet, still just in the overweight category, but I can see how it gets there.

I weighed myself this morning because I felt I needed to.  I couldn’t control my urge to know the bad news, like I needed to feel guilty about it.  Up three pounds.  Now, I do not blame The Gabriel Method for this, in fact he even says in his book that you might gain a few pounds in the beginning as you break the cycle of shame that goes along with food.   This is my fault, I didn’t dedicate myself to doing what Jon said every day.  I didn’t follow the rules, however simple they were.   I let my life and my fears interfere with my commitment.  Classic me.

There is positive growth to be seen in this first month though.  I have learned quite a bit about eating healthier and think a lot about how to make sure I am getting the main three things in my meals (protein, omega and live food).  I have even been pretty good about breakfast, but not every day.  I have done really all the things he instructs for month one, just not consistently.  Again, lack of true commitment.

I want to commit, I want to give over to the process.  In order for things to truly change you need to commit to the process for the whole month, or 21 days really.  But that doesn’t mean half ass for a month, that means every day.

So where to go from here.  I feel like I should start over, because I am not ready to add on at this point.  I don’t feel like I have made the month one steps second nature, which is the point or breaking it down that way.  I am already overwhelmed, adding more just seems like a good way to self sabotage at this point.

I do know that I need to go back and read the book from cover to cover again.  I also saw on Jon’s website that you can contact Jon directly so I think I might do that.  

Well, sorry that I don’t have fantastic news of miraculous weight loss to share at the end of month 1, but I am not giving up.    I am confident that this is the right program for me, I just need to find a way to truly commit myself.  I will update in the next couple of days as I figure out what my new plan is.

Buy The Gabriel Method book now!