isolation

This reading deals with our biggest flaw, the one thing that can undo us.

The Setup

This card will use the card determined in Reading #1 (for me, The Hermit) using numerology to find a corresponding fool in the deck.

These fools include the pages and knights of each suit as well as 0 The Fool and  XXI The World.

The Hermit corresponds to the Knight of Wands

Tarot Reading

The Answer

You are a fool for the truth.  You are a slave to your never ending search for the true meaning in things.  People don’t really get what your about.  This is a journey you must take by yourself.  Get away to sort things out and look out for those things that wil hold you back.

The Cards

I am going to examine both card and combine there meaning to get a little more insight.

The Hermit

My Take:  The Hermit represents looking inward for answers.  Taking time away to get a new perspective.  Seclusion in order to focus on accessing those parts of our mind not usually available to us.

The Card: Self imposed isolation.  Self examination in order to gain wisdom.  The hermit’s lantern sheds light on the furthest recesses of his mind.   Sometimes this energy can turn into escapism.

Knight of Wands

My Take: Knights are not cards that generally show up in my readings so I am not really familiar with them.  This card seems rather aggressive.  An armored knight ride a fire breathing dragon and waves a fiery flag.    Words that come to mind: combative, pushing an agenda, keeping others at a distance.

The Card:  Knights are about doing.  This night is headstrong and impulsive.  He is extremely focused on his cause, a champion for his latest obsession.  But what cause he champions today could be very different from that which he champions tomorrow.  A task at hand requires intense focus and dedication to realize success.  Put the plans in motion.

Reading Analysis

It never ceases to amaze me how the cards can nail it time and time again.  I am a very self-reflective person, always striving to understand myself better.  I thrive in environments where I get to delve deeper and figure out the intricacies of how and why things work the way they do.  

I tend to prefer quiet solitude, almost to excess at times and I do use it to escape.  A few weeks ago, my therapist and I were discussing my tendency to run and hide when I start to feel that I am not performing to a certain standard or feel vulnerable.  This is a pattern for me that has repeated itself throughout my life, leaving me feeling like I can’t trust my decisions or commit to anything in a really meaningful way.  There have been some exceptions and they usually involve places where I feel very successful.  But usually it ends up that these places that I am successful are simply really good hiding places.

A good example of this is my college experience.  When I started at the University of Washington, I was pre-engineering.  My class load was really tough and I didn’t feel like I could keep all the balls in the air at a standard that was good enough.  I am an A student and getting BS just wasn’t good enough.  I would go to my professors and they would tell me how great I was doing and that these were weed out classes and meant to be intimidating, but that I was doing very well and shouldn’t worry.

But, I couldn’t deal with it.  I found a way to justify to myself that I needed to choose a different major.  I chose well and have an amazing experience and my best friend as a result of this decision and I wouldn’t necessarily take it back, but I ran away to a safe place where I knew I could be successful, and I was.  Very.  And then I ended up screwing that up too.

Even being a stay at home mom was an escape for me.  The world got to be too much and I retreated and what a safe, non-judgemental environment I have created for myself.  No one to answer to but myself, how convenient.

Good thing I’m in therapy right?

My weakness is that I get trapped in my head.  I over think things and freak out and run away and hide when I feel vulnerable.   My current cause – to figure myself out and slay the demons and grow into a better and more productive person who trusts herself and others more.   And in true knight of wands fashion, nothing can get in my way right now.  The difference is that I am determined to see this one through.  This has been really hard and extraordinarily scary, but I keep at it.

I have been thinking lately that a weekend away by myself might be a good idea and the Universe keeps pointing me in that same direction.  I think I will start to explore this in more detail.

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