After the events of the past week I have come to determine that my frustration over my lack of measurable progress (a.k.a. weight loss) really comes down to the fact that I am jumping the gun.  As long as I have all this emotional baggage the weight will not come off, no matter what I do.  

I just went back and read the emotional obesity chapters of the book and all of it applied to me.    He asks several questions to help you identify whether this issue is holding you back and if it is insists that it be addressed before you ever even discuss eating habits, cravings exercise and past successes and failures.  After the emotional issues have been addressed and resolved then a plan can be put into place to address the rest of it.

The questions go something like this…

  1. Does being thin feel safe to you?
  2. Can you imagine yourself thin?
  3. If someone gives you a compliment on your appearance, does it make you feel happy and confident or threatened and uneasy?

The last two definitely apply to me and the first one just confuses me so I’m guessing that means I can count that one too.  Since I started this whole thing the body visualization has always been the hardest for me.  I just can’t see myself as that thin person.  The thing that weirds me out about that is that I used to be thin, at times very thin.  So you wouldn’t think that imagining myself like that again would be so difficult.  The brain is a bazaar entity.

I have been noticing over the last couple of weeks (and I think where that desperate sad post from last week came from) that even though I am mentally really dedicated to this and have logically set up my environment for success, I find every way and excuse I can to sabotage the process.

  • I “forget” to take my supplements
  • I sneak food.  I will scarf down a burger or milkshake, candy or doughnut and then hide the evidence.
  • I will make up any excuse I can to avoid exercising, even going to yoga, which I love, or a hike with the dog, which is empowering, relaxing and really rewarding.  If there is some reason I can come up with I will take it.
  • I tell myself that just going to sleep (without the CD) will feel good and make me more motivated the next day.

I even avoided reading the emotional section of the book with any focus or meaning.  I just skimmed through it.  Today I read every word.

When I have talked to my therapist about my weight, she always says don’t worry about it now, you have enough on your plate.   Do the emotional work and then deal with the weight.

Another advisor of mine reminded me that I simply need to find out why it is that I don’t feel worthy and correct that and then everything will fall into place as it should.  It is only me that is holding me back.

With the Life Path Integration therapy we are doing it is even possible that we will be able to target whatever the emotional trigger might be and fix it.  It always amazes me how the universe will provide you with all the tools you need if you just listen closely enough.  Many things have been coming to me from many different directions lately and thankfully I am aware enough to be grabbing them.

Karli has also encouraged me to give the emotional stuff more time and stop worrying so much about the physical stuff.  Now that I am feeling better and motivated and productive for the first time in a long time, I am finding it very hard not to want to tackle everything all at once, to take on more than I can handle.  I feel like I am fighting in every direction and that I may simply just need to give into the process.  Pretty hard to do for a total control freak.

I am so grateful that my husband is supportive of me through all this.  He has had his moments of frustration and worry and even a few in anger and hurtfulness, as is only natural when you spouse is going through something like this.  He tries his best to encourage me and prod me to work a little harder.  

Every logical part of me thinks it’s fantastic that I have a husband who loves me the way I am and truly cares about my well being.  But emotionally I think I kinda resent him for it and rebel against it.  This is hard to say, a sort of it’s not you it’s me scenario, but I think I might have to tell him to stop with the encouragement, because just like when we were trying to quit smoking, the gentle nudges and reminders, the words of encouragement in my head remind me that I am failing rather than reminding me that I can succeed.  This is something I need to work on, but in the meantime, I think we just need to drop the whole thing for a while, let me heal what’s broken without any added pressure.

Jon says in his book that while he was gaining the weight, his wife never said a word about it and that when he was ready, he felt he was better prepared to lose the weight because of that.

So, I concentrate on the emotional part and keep preparing my body from a biochemical standpoint so that I will be that much more ahead of the game once I can really target my eating and exercise habits.  I just feel like I need to stop putting so much pressure on myself.   

To all of you looking to the Gabriel Method as a magic pill, I am sorry.  I don’t have instant results to report, or really any weight loss at all.  I can tell you that it is helping me to change my life, to learn about myself and face my fears and tackle the emotional crap that has had me by the throat for most of my life.   It is also helping me learn what it feels like to be a healthy person, teaching my body that it feels good to be nourished and that eating foods that mess with your chemistry makes you tired and cranky and feel generally icky.

This is my first step and the thought that on the other side of this journey I could be not only thinner and more fit, but also a more whole and emotional healthy person is very exciting to me.

I am going to keep taking the supplements and integrating healthy foods into my diet, but I am throwing out the schedule and week 1 week 2 month 1 stuff for a while until I can answer the questions above with confidence and positivity.  Fixing myself needs to be my priority right now.  I have made huge progress, I just need to finish it before I start worrying about pounds and waist measurements and scheduled regimented programs.  

I’m ok if I stay this weight forever, as long as I don’t gain any more.  (those of you who have read the book will understand the meaning and gravity of this statement)

So here is the new plan (because I wouldn’t really be me if I didn’t have one)…

  1. Keep working hard at therapy and stop distracting us with day to day bullshit.  I have demons to fight so let’s get on with it.
  2. Listen to the CD every night, no excuses, no exceptions
  3. Start reading about past life regression
  4. Read the book No Boundary by Ken Wilber (Jon mentions it in a section of the book that really resonates with me)
  5. Actively radiate love, forgiveness and appreciation
  6. Accept the negative and accept myself and my body just as they are.  This includes no scales.

Buy the Gabriel Method Book Now!

4 Responses to Dealing With Emotional Weight Issues

  • Paul Holmes says:

    Just ordered the Gabriel Method. Don’t know how I discovered it, but when I saw the pictures of his transition from 409 lbs to 183 lbs and how lean and trim he looked in the end I was shocked and intrigued.

    I’ve now listened to the audio book almost twice and have been listening to the visualization CD on my iPod every night.

    Two things I’m determined to do: not worry about what I weigh now — accept myself happily as I am — and to stop judging whether I ate too little or too much today. Today just happens to be a day I’ve probably eaten too much but I don’t care! I no longer diet.

    However, the past few days I’ve been intrigued by the fact that certain foods I usually binge on I just don’t binge on any more. I have them and find I only want a few crackers, or say, two granola bars, instead of unconciously wolfing down all six in the package as I used to.

    By the way, I don’t even have a picture on hand, but I do remember a picture of myself at seventeen, tall and lean, at my perfect weight, and that is what I visualize. I believe I’m beginning to change that subconcious fat setpoint by visualizing myself in that picture every time I think about my weight.

    Good luck to you. It sounds like you’re growing into it, recognizing areas you glossed over, etc. I plan to continue to listen to the audio edition of the book over and over again until it all really gels, and to the relaxation cd every night.

    Paul Holmes

    P.S. I’m a 57 year old sedantary cab driver with an extra 30 pounds I haven’t been able to diet away for the last 18 years. I really think I’ve stumbled onto the answer with the Gabriel method.

  • admin says:

    Hi Paul, thanks for stopping by and sharing your perspective. As you said, becoming comfortable in your own skin is an important step.

    I have some pictures of myself as a younger, leaner me, but I have been hesitant to use those as my set point because I am really trying to grow past the person that I was then. That person was pretty broken and definitely not the person I want to go back to, although physically she looked pretty great. That is the person I still see when I close my eyes (although I can’t see her looking thin and pretty — she is usually bloated and angry), but the person I want to see is thin and fit and whole and healthy and full of love and appreciation for life. Still working on finding the imagery that will work for me.

    I too have been amazed how my cravings have changed since I started this. I actually make pretty good choices most of the time and feel more energy and motivation. As we all do, I have my moments, but like you mentioned, I either eat less or don’t feel good afterwards and regret it. The emotional stuff is what is holding me back I am afraid I find myself self sabotaging to accommodate them.

    I am encouraged by the changes I am feeling and very excited about the psychological leaps I am making. I just have a few more latent issues to deal with before anything is going to work for me. In the meantime, just doing the work.

    Thanks again and make sure to let us know about your successes.

  • Paul Holmes says:

    I think I understand about the younger pictures. When I think back to when I was 17 I was very insecure, very self-conscious and somewhat awkward. However, there is at least one good thing about age. The older you get the more you get past those young insecurities. So I just see that “handsome” young man now (LOL) and don’t think about all that inward turmoil I was really going through. You, however, are much younger and closer to that time of your life.

    Maybe if you found a beautiful model in a magazine that was close to your body type, with the same color hair that might work. For me, that young picture seems to work great, except that I have to realize all that hair is not coming back with the weight loss! Oh, well!

    Paul

  • ellent says:

    Karin:

    I love your spirit. Don’t give up. You are on the right track.

    I think that Jon Gabriel is a walking success story but my recall is that it took him a while of doing this before the weight started coming off.

    Ellen

    http://www.healthaftertrauma.com

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