, which is one of Ada’s favorite picture books.
This is a lovely true story of two male penguins at the central park zoo, who have chosen each other as companions. As they look on as all the other penguin couples tend to their eggs and raise their young, they pine for one of their own.
Everything works out great in the end (I won’t ruin the story for you) and along the way you learn some pretty great lessons about love and family.
I think reading all the books on this list is a good idea. If a book is controversial enough to hit a list like this, then it must at leave have something to say – good, bad or otherwise. Next for me, I think, will be Candide
Finding a therapist is easier said than done in many cases. Oh yes, if you were willing to pick blindly off a list, then it’s cake. But, I was looking for someone who would resonate with my belief system (no christian counseling please – you would be very surprised how many that eliminates), had a time slot that would work for me and of course was on my provider list.
I did find someone, but she only had middle of the day spots, which initially I balked at because I don’t have child care. I then found out that there was no one else that I really liked and I decided I really wanted her, so I called back a few days later to take the one available appointment and it was gone. She was full and no longer accepting patients. Great.
Well, for a couple of weeks, I just let the whole therapist thing go and concentrated on doing what I could myself for my current situation. This has gone pretty well, actually. I feel a lot better. I have been really embracing and feeling my emotions, I think for the first time in many many years. This has allowed me to let some it go and to have the courage to do something that was very difficult but necessary.
I was talking with my friend T and she suggested I see if I could get on a waiting list with this woman that I want to see. So yesterday, I sent an email to see if she had a waiting list and she wrote back that she now has three appointments available. They are still daytime appointments, but we are just going to have to work it out. I am now confirmed to begin therapy next week. Yea!
I also asked her to put me on the waiting list for later appointments as they become available. This way, I can hopefully end up with an evening appointment in the next several months.
I am very excited to begin. She specializes in life journeys and incorporating or releasing residual baggage from the past as well as moving forward on the life path you are meant to follow. I am so looking forward to begin this work.
For me, and I think for many with childhood issues, it is important that I learn to accept what happened, understand that it wasn’t my fault and learn to do what I have to to let it go and stop the patterns that were created by it.
A lesson I learned for this process is not to be afraid to ask for what you need. She has been very supportive and accommodating of my scheduling issues, within her boundaries of course, and I ended up seeing the right person and on a path to it working well for my schedule. Finding a way to make things that matter work and asking for what you need are two very important life lessons.
You may think that sharing something like seeing a therapist is too personal to share on a blog, and yes it is a very personal thing. I am sharing because I want every woman, mother or person for that matter to know that talking with someone in order to grow or heal or whatever your goal is not something shameful at all. On the contrary, talking about your feelings is the healthy way to deal with our problems. Much better than the variety of escapism methods available or taking it out on the people we love.
It is brave to face your demons head on and wise to know when we need more that we can provide ourselves.
As a matter of coincidence, the next tarot reading in my self inventory is all about relationships and how they will work out. How fitting that I am beginning a new relationship that I would love some insight on.
SI2008 – #11 How will this relationship turn out
The Layout
For this reading I will be using the .
The cards in play are…
I-X of Cups
I-X of Trumps (Major Arcana)
Shuffle the cups and major arcana cards separately while concentrating on the question. Deal the top two major arcana cards into positions 1 & 2 (see ). Deal the top four cups into positions 3 through 6.
Shuffle the remaining major arcana and cups cards together while concentrating on the question. Deal the top four cards into positions 7 through 10.
The question: How will my relationship with my new therapist go?
The Spread
1. Covers You (current situation) – I Magician
2. Crosses You (challenges) – V Faith
3. Above You (what is possible) – VIII Cups
4. Below You (how you got here) – I Cups
5. Behind You (recent past) – IV Cups
6. Before You (what’s next) – III Cups
7. Who You Are – VII Chariot
8. Who They Want You to Be – IX Hermit
9. What You Want – II Priestess
10. What You Get – X Wheel
The Answer
You are taking a deliberate action. You have a strong desire to be in control. A magical moment is happening. You must commit fully and play by the rules for the relationship to last. You may be tempted to walk away.
This relationship formed suddenly. There is an instantaneous connection.
Just recently you listened to your gut. Coming up there is a celebration.
You make the moves and they want you to tell the truth. You want this to feel right and know that you made the right decision.
You will get out of this relationship what you put into it. It will have it’s ups and down, but is an honest, real relationship.
Sounds like the relationship I would like to have with a therapist. It shouldn’t always be easy, but it should be honest and the connection is essential.
The Cards
X Wheel – Covers You
My Take: A Magician sits in a throne. He holds an orb that shines a light upon a wand, cup, sword and coin in the shape of an infinity symbol. He has a very deliberate look on his face. It looks as if he is illuminating the fact that you have all the tools you need at your disposal and it is just up to you to act on it. You must make it happen yourself.
The Card: Education and training, transforming ideas into plans. The magician is a teacher and gives us invaluable advice about our path. This can represent either a person in your life that serves this purpose or it can refer to our inner inspiration that helps to to learn and gives us our flashes of genius. The four suit symbols represent different ways to approach something. The magician gives us the tools and helps us choose what mixture of these is the most appropriate for the situation.
V Faith – Crosses You
My Take: A man prays. There are many religious symbols in a glowing circle in front of him. This is a religious man, but their are many options available to him. I see this as the opportunity to explore a new way of thinking or belief system.
The Card: The faith card represents our ability to find meaning in things. To many this means religion, but it can also encompass all other points of view as well. We must beware of becoming to rigid or judgmental in our thinking.
VIII Cups – Above You – The best you can hope for given the current circumstances.
My Take: A figure walks up a set of steps to the far away moon. There are 8 cups at his feet and a black and white checkered floor. This cards always represents leaving something behind to me. You are choosing to climb the stairs and walk toward something new, but this also means leaving some things in your life behind.
The Card: Every time we choose one path, it means abandoning another. We look to the moon for new inspiration and leave the cups behind. The cups could represent and idea or project abandoned. It can also refer to a sense of restlessness of the unexplainable need to leave.
I Cups – Below You – How you got here
My take: A single cup sits on the water. The sky looks like sunrise. There is an intricate orb within the cup. One represents newness and cups represent relationships and emotions, so the one of cups means a new relationship to me.
The card: The potential of new relationships and/or emotions. The subconscious is handing you a new emotion, like a gift. A new emotion or relationship is about to begin.
IV Cups – Behind You – Recent past
My take: A figure sits naked in the grass, vulnerable and open to new possibilities. There are three cups on the ground and one in the sky, like it is being presented by the universe. He looks up to the cup in the sky, curious, but not yet ready to reach out an grab it as his hands are still hugging his knees. You are being presented with a new opportunity, but may not yet be fully ready to embrace it. Don’t miss this open door by contemplating too long. WRONG
The Card: This is the grass is always greener card. You may look to better your situation or be discontent with your current circumstances.
III Cups – Before You – Coming soon
My take: The are mardigras beads and masks as well as three cups on a floor with a golden sun on it. Four columns are in the background. This is a card about celebrations and parties. Being with friends. The masks may indicate that you are not ready to reveal everything just yet.
The card: This card represents celebrations and good fortune. Doing something nice for ourselves. Gatherings of all kinds, both formal and casual. Beware of overindulgence.
VII Chariot – Who You Are
My take: A man rides his chariot over a crashing wave, his steeds galloping through the water. There is a steel structure in the background reminiscent of an oil rig. For me, this card speaks to forward motion. Setting the wheels in motion. Moving strongly toward the goal. We just need to remember to keep ourselves grounded in the real world (the metal structure).
The card: The horses represent unbridled energy that must be directed and balanced by the man (you). The man is strong, proud and adventurous, maybe even a bit arrogant. The power in this card is the confidence that you can overcome any obstacle to achieve your goal. The structure represents the beginnings of putting things into context.
IX Hermit – Who they want you to be
My take: A bearded man sits, eyes shut, on the edge of a cliff. He holds a lighted staff. Sometimes we must take a break and get away in order to see more clearly. We look inside ourselves for the answers. We must be careful not to retreat too far and use the light to lead us back.
The card: Removing oneself to meditate on the current circumstances and gain perspective from examining ourselves. The light shines deep into the recesses of our minds to shine light on it’s mysteries. We need to remember though, that this step is part of the journey, not the end of the line.
II Priestess – What You Want
My take: The priestess is a mysterious card. She looks deep into the recesses of her subconscious for answers and represents our psychic connections. She seeks a deeper understanding of herself and her world.
The card: The priestess represents the path to our subconscious. The darkness of the card represents our fear of the knowledge our subconscious holds, or even the existence of it at all. The two pillars on the card represent the duality of our conscious existence, always categorizing things as one way or the other. Our subconscious cannot be directly confronted but must be approached through meditation and openness. Then and only then may we get a glimpse of what lays beyond.
X Wheel – What you get
My take: Although beautiful this card doesn’t speak to me clearly. The wheel looks like the innards of a clock and so reads as the wheel of time. All things come and go and so goes the wheel. I have more to learn about this card for sure.
The card: The wheel represents our fate, those things we don’t have control over. Change is coming. We must remember that although there are things in our life we can not control, there are many more that we can. We must not submit to the fates, not buck against them but find our way to our potential.
Reading Analysis:
- The magician could represent my therapist and my need for her to help me to wade through the clutter of my life, past present and future.
- Faith is the challenge that I face in this situation, so I will need to be open to new ways of thinking about things and look carefully for the meaning in things. I must be careful not to get stuck in my old beliefs.
- I am feeling a very strong urge to leave the past behind me and move forward on a new path. It is encouraging that this is in the what’s possible position, which means I actually might find that new path.
- I got here because all of these emotions surfaced for me and I sought out this new relationship. It is possible that this whole thing this summer, was my subconscious telling me it is time to make some changes.
- Recently I decided that my current path was not satisfying. I do often question why it is that I can’t be content with where I am. I have a great life. Why is it never enough?
- A party in my future? Hmmm.
- I do have confidence that I can accomplish my goals. I started this blog because I knew there must be more for me. It may not be an easy road, but I am confident that I can find my way.
- I relate greatly to the hermit. Numerologically it is the card that represents me and this makes sense as I am naturally a little introverted and introspective. In this context it represents what my therapist wants from me. In this I think it means I need to step back and gain some perspective.
- The end result of this is change. This reading has been full of the looking within cards, the priestess, the hermit, the wheel, the magician, faith, and the four of cups. The Wheel reminds me not to get too caught up in this, but that I have control over the outcome as well.
Note: The information in the “my take” and “reading analysis” sections are only my thoughts. I am learning and these may not fully represent the cards true meaning, just the feeling of card to me, which is a lot of what reading the tarot is about, but I write these before looking at the meaning of the card. Many of the cards that show up repeatedly in my readings are starting to solidify in their meanings for me and you will see that my descriptions of these cards are more consistent in my readings, but my take on cards that don’t show up as often are still evolving and changing in my mind and their descriptions will change over time. In the analysis portion I am practicing applying the cards to the specific circumstance. Please take everything I say about the cards with a grain of salt.
During the week we get into the normal routine and things are very predictable and structured. Daddy is only around for the first and last part of the day and they get a little bit of play time with him during that time. He loves to play with them, he’s way better and getting down on the floor and really playing than I am, and they look forward to this all day.
So this makes him fun Bobby and when he is home all day they just seem to be more amped up the whole time, like there is something new and exciting around every corner. I also think poor Karli feels like he has to be on all the time too, which isn’t the way it should be either.
Of course, I am not complaining at all. Having Karli home is wonderful and it is so nice to have another set of hands and to be able to do fun things as a family and to get projects done that I simply can’t do by myself.
But the weekend is winding down and my poor kids are about to implode. Ada is a whiny mess and Ian is all amped up one minute and crying in a puddle the next. I wish there was a way that fun and family time wasn’t so exhausting for them, and for us too.